Dear (fill in the blank with daughter's name),
Dad and I have been thinking and talking a lot about the current situation with you and (name of the good-for-nothing-boy your darling daughter who has mistakenly fallen under the spell of). While we trust you, the reason we bring certain subjects up is because we love you and want the best for you and would rather risk getting you angry by asking you certain things…then not asking and having your life affected by something big…We want you to think before you act. We are concerned because we see you cuddling most of the time that you are together. We were young once and realize how young love is but you two always seem to be off by yourselves….Most of the time what we see is you in his lap, him in your lap..or both under an afghan on the couch, and while we appreciate how great that is..there is so much more to a healthy relationship than just canoodling. You have told him you don’t want to have sex…..and yet he pushes…so Dad respectfully spoke to him, after seeing him in your room at 2 am in the morning (which made dad very uncomfortable in his own home), and he then lied to your dad about the sex…..he said “You have nothing to worry about (Mr.Man this little stupid man/boy should be VERY afraid of)”. Dad treated(name of the good-for-nothing-boy..well, you know the rest...) with respect and like a man and (good-for-nothing-boy) looked square in dad’s face and lied….
We realize that no matter what we say it is entirely up to you to live your life and choose your path. We can not and will not tell you who to see, like or love. It is our job to simply help guide you to making good and sound decisions. We are not asking that you do not see (good-for-nothing-boy)..we are asking that you be smart.
That being said, I will be making an appointment for you to go to the doctor and get your self on birth control pills. It’s not a matter of trust anymore. It’s a matter of protecting ourselves and you. You, your father and I have worked too hard to get you to the place that you are at, to risk losing your opportunity to go to college and further your education. Again, it’s not that we don’t trust you, we simply realize how the rush of emotions can sweep you away and we think it better you be safe than sorry. We can discuss when would be convenient for you…
Also, there will be no more snuggling in your room together or upstairs in the attic anymore. We have been accomodating by allowing you and (good-for-nothing-boy) full and free access to the attic, when that space was specifically designed and given to all of our children. We feel that not only is it disrespectful for you to carry on this way in our home, but your responses to our trying to engage in adult conversation with you has been hostile or flip.
Also, while we agree with (good-for-nothing-boy) that spending time with you is worth so much more than $8 an hr, we also feel that in the real world, you two will not be able to spend all of your time together, because unfortunately, that won’t pay the bills. If you are fine working and supporting him that’s fine, but he will not be sitting around here while you do so.
The fact that he didn’t think twice before disrespecting “stay at home” moms, knowing that your mom is a stay at home mom, doesn’t bode well. It is partially because I am a stay at home, that he is so comfortable when he comes to visit. We don’t respect a “stay at our home boyfriend” especially when he chooses to simply hang, or run out and grab a sandwich for himself, while you are working. We feel that we have been incredibly generous in opening both of our homes to (good-for-nothing-boy), including him at our meals, our holidays and almost every weekend. We have taken him out along with us and treated him as family. We have tried to help keep him warm and offered him not only new boots, pjs, socks…but let him borrow your dads things as well. We’ve allowed him to stay to the point where he surely has gotten used to these niceties and has perhaps misunderstood our intentions. While he is pleasant enough, he does not contribute to our family or our quality of life. We are glad that he makes you happy and for that reason, he can visit. But knowing now that he does not respect either your father or me, it is no longer acceptable that he lingers here while you work. From now on, on the days you have to work, he has to go home.
You give him gas money so he can come down and now you have to drive up there….. he doesn’t give a thought to what happens should you break down on the side of the road. We feel that he knew getting into this relationship where we lived. He has chosen to drive down. It’s a shame he doesn’t think it’s fair that he does all the driving…your dad and I think it’s more than fair given how he’s been treated while here. While I am not comfortable with you making the drive, I am not saying you cannot make it but you do need figure out how to pay a portion of the car insurance (trailblazer cost is $989) before you will be able to drive up to (some God forsaken po-dunk town in the middle of NOWHERE).
He wants you to change…..wear these clothes, do you hair this way, don’t talk to, or text, these friends…drive up….what about him loving you exactly as you are, as your dad and I do. What about him digging what he sees when he looks at you instead of trying to alter that image.
He’s trying to get you to do things that you that will only get you into trouble. In essence you are saying to your dad and I that you are willing to throw “our” relationship to the dogs for your relationship with (good-for-nothing-boy). For the record, we have not nor will we ever try to get you to do something that is not good for you. In fact, the opposite is true..we have invested our time, our love, our energy and yes, a lot of financial resources to see to it that you have a world of opportunities to choose from.
Again, we are not asking that you do not see (good-for-nothing-boy). We are simply asking to be treated with the same consideration, decency and respect that we have treated both you and (good-for-nothing-boy) with. If he makes you happy, we are glad and we will continue to be cordial. We will not, however, stand by and make it easy to have your life complicated.
Mom and Dad
P.S. Dad bought a gun....just thought you should know...